You might also want to read Simple Guide to Good Eye Contact – Part 1.
How to Keep Good Eye Contact?
Recently I was reading ‘How to Talk to Anyone’ by Leil Lowndes. Leil is a famous communication expert and author of several bestsellers. One of the chapters in ‘How to Talk to Anyone’ explains the importance of eye contact and reveals various gaze tactics that are supposed to help you to generate audience attention and communicate more efficiently:
American researchers from Boston initiated a study to determine the precise effect of eye contact. They asked opposite-sex individuals to have a short casual dialogue. They tricked half of the group into keeping intense eye contact by asking them to count the number of times their partner blinked. At the same time, the researchers gave the other half of the group no special directions for the chat. When they questioned the group afterward, the unsuspecting blinkers confessed they felt higher feelings of respect and fondness for their colleagues who, unbeknownst to them, had simply been counting their blinks.
Here is another pro argument for intense eye contact. Apparently, if you tend to maintain strong eye contact, your partners assume you are an intelligent and abstract thinker. Because abstract thinkers integrate incoming data more easily than concrete thinkers, they can continue to look into someone’s eyes even during the silences. Their thought process simply isn’t distracted by gazing.
Normally if you would look intently at someone, it would increase their heartbeat. Common physical reaction people have when they start to fall in love. Leil Lowndes is certain that when you consciously increase your eye contact, even during normal business or social interaction, people will feel they have captivated you.
If you are a man talking to woman or a woman talking to man or woman you might want to try using the following technique, which Leil calls “Sticky Eyes”.
Sticky Eyes Technique for Ladies
Pretend your eyes are glued to your conversation partner with sticky warm toffee. Don’t break eye contact even after he or she has finished speaking. When you must look away, do it ever so slowly, reluctantly, stretching the gooey toffee until the tiny string finally breaks.
Sticky Eyes Technique for Gentlemen
When a man is talking to a man, he also can use Sticky Eyes. But you should make them a little less sticky when discussing personal matters with other men; otherwise you might threaten your listener, or he might misinterpret your intentions. At the same time, do increase your eye contact slightly more than normal with men on day-to-day communications— and a lot more when talking to women. It broadcasts a tacit message of comprehension and respect.
From time to time you may need to turn to another Leil’s eye contact technique – Epoxy Eyes. CEOs often use the tactic to evaluate employees. Detectives use it to intimidate suspects. And foxy Romeos use Epoxy Eyes to make women fall in love with them (if romance is your goal, Epoxy Eyes is a must).
The Epoxy Eyes method takes at least three people to pull off—you, your target, and one other person. Usually, when you’re chatting with two or more people, you look at the person who is speaking. However, the Epoxy Eyes technique suggests you focus entirely on the listener—your target—rather than the speaker. This slightly disorients the target and he or she silently asks, “Why is this person looking at me instead of the speaker?” They sense you are extremely interested in his or her reactions. This can be beneficial in certain business situations when it is appropriate that you judge the listener. Human resources professionals often use Epoxy Eyes unconsciously because they are sincerely interested in a prospective employee’s reaction to the ideas that being presented. Whenever you use Epoxy Eyes, it sends out signals of interest mixed with absolute confidence in yourself. But remember, this approach puts you in a position of evaluating or judging someone else, so you should be careful. If you overdo it you might come across as arrogant and brazen.
How to Use Epoxy Eyes
Watch your target person even when someone else is talking. No matter who is speaking, keep looking at the man or woman you want to impact. Sometimes using full Epoxy Eyes is too potent, so here is a gentler, yet effective, form. Watch the speaker but let your glance bounce to your target each time the speaker finishes a point. This way Mr. or Ms. Target still feels you are intrigued by his or her reactions, yet there is relief from the intensity.
For better results I would suggest to combine social gaze or business gaze techniques (which we reviewed in Simple Guide Good Eye Contact – Part 1) with sticky eyes method for the majority of situations when you would like to make a great impression. Important thing is to practice the tactics well before using them when attending important events or business meetings.
Do you have questions about good eye contact or you feel we forgot to mention something important? Come talk with us! Leave a comment below!
Alona is the co-founder of Etiquette Tips - an online magazine that features articles on business etiquette, communication, dress code, table manners, international code of behaviour, gift giving, events & celebrations and more.
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